From Homemade Hacks to Professional Pleasures

Alright, folks! Gather ’round, and let me tell you a tale that’s probably not suited for the kiddos or those of a delicate disposition. So if you’re currently sipping tea with your pinkie up, this might not be your cup.

Remember those childhood days when we found “alternative” uses for everyday objects? Like using rulers as makeshift swords or empty paper towel rolls as telescopes? Well, in the spirit of nostalgia, let’s talk about a story where childhood inventiveness meets grown-up desires. It’s a tale that’s all about self-discovery, experimentation, and of course, the courage to step out of one’s comfort zone.

The Misadventures of DIY Desires

We’ve all been there – that awkward teenage phase where hormones run wild and everything (and I mean everything) becomes a potential tool for… let’s just say, “personal relaxation”. Some of us got particularly crafty, turning household items into makeshift gadgets for those sneaky moments of pleasure.

College: The Realm of Real Toys

Heading off to college isn’t just about hitting the books or attempting to cook for oneself (burnt ramen, anyone?). No, it’s also about expanding horizons in more ways than one. It’s the land of firsts. First all-nighter, first existential crisis, and for some, the first proper adult toy.

Size Matters, But So Does Adventure!

Moving on from the starter pack to more… ambitious endeavors is not for the faint-hearted. It takes gumption, a sense of humor, and perhaps an emergency contact just in case things go south (or stay stuck north, if you catch my drift).

This is the story:

I was raised in a very conservative household, with very, very heteronormative views in place. Boys with long hair are girls, girls can’t like trucks and guns! But it was never a defining factor for me. Hell it most likely helped push me to buy my first dildo. Now long before then I knew I liked putting things inside me, feeling filled up for the most intense orgasm I could muster! But I was young, and lived at home. I couldn’t just order a starter kit! So as any horny teenager does, I made toys and used everything around me as a pleasure center. Vibrating toothbrush in a tube from a Hex Bug filled with hot glue. Once dried, “My First Vibrator“!

Once I moved to college that changed, I bought my first dildo. It was nothing fancy, fairly realistic, and stuck to the wall like nothing I’d had before. I still have that toy to this day, doesn’t really see use though, as my collection quickly started growing from there. Before I knew it I had glass toys and plugs, dildos that I swore wouldn’t fit inside me, and my favorite ones to use. That’s when I started to try having an anal only orgasm. Mind you I knew it was real, but it had never gotten me quite that close, I always had to jerk off too.

I started off on a day I knew I was the only one home for hours. We had a bath tub that had a nice wide ledge and extended corners that were tiled in. (Imagine a [ bracket that curls and the short ends.) This ledge was perfect for sticking my toys to, and doing away with my hands. I placed my toys from smallest to largest, and a few fun ones in between. I sat on the first dildo and started riding with vigor, knowing that no one could hear me or find me.

I swear, with the intentions in my mind and the row of cocks beside me I almost came right then and there! But didn’t want this moment to end yet, so I moved to my next largest toy. This one is a stretch if you aren’t warmed up at all, not one I could start with at the time. But I was loosening up and lubed, and the larger cock slid right into me, pressing on my prostate and filling me up. It was such an intense moment, feeling the head pop in, and each vein as I worked it inside of me. I loved how that cock felt, every inch of its veiny shaft, slamming my ass to its balls, I wanted it to be real.

Now the next one in line, was huge. 13 inches long, 2.5 inches wide. I’d gotten the head inside me, and about 3 inches of shaft. But I hadn’t been warmed up like I was. I tried to sit down on it the way I had my others, but it was too big. I uncupped it and mounted it horizontally on the side of the tub, and straddled the barrier. I signed up and slid back to meet the head.

Slowly I pushed it inside of me, more and more, filling me to the brim.  But I was still going, I thought I’d hit my max! I kept pushing back farther and farther, until I felt more resistance. I was more than halfway down it’s shaft. Now this toy wasn’t particularly veiny or “topographical” at all, but fairly smooth with minor accents. This made it all the easier to keep pushing. I felt movement, a shifting of the cock inside of me. And then it plunged into me deeper than I’d ever felt anything. I slid all the way to the base, till my ass hit the wall. I shivered for a moment taking in new sensations, being so full you’re not sure if it hurts or feels good. Hurts isn’t the right word, uncomfortable is. But it was too much bliss to think of anything other than orgasm.

I started thrusting, keeping the cock as deep inside me as I could. I could feel the pressure building, my ass clenching harder with each thrust. My eyes started to roll and my pace quickened. I honestly don’t remember the next of it, because I started to cum. My body was shaking, and twitching, and I could hardly move. I had a cock the size of my forearm inside me and it alone brought me to orgasm. It stifled the orgasm a bit, because I couldn’t clench down and cum with full force, yet I lay there covered in it. Filled and breathing heavily, I just enjoyed the moment.

My body had never felt anything like this before. But the next movement was just as intense. I started to slide off the dildo, slowly, it showed inch after inch outside of me.

It was the head that did it.

As the head of the cock got closer to my prostate it started to press harder. This sends waves of pleasure through me all over again, making me clench down on the head of that cock. I squeezed too hard and fast, it pushed me forward and off the cock and right into another mind-numbing orgasm.

I’d just had my first anal orgasm. The most intense thing I’ve ever felt, and something I’ve been chasing and catching ever since.

Now my toy collection is much more intense, my fiancĂ© and I but enjoy our “”Pandora’s Box”” under the bed, especially when the restraints come out.

Written by: McGiever

To Wrap It Up!

So what have we learned from our fearless protagonist’s adventures in Toyland? Firstly, there’s no shame in exploration. We’ve all got our quirks, and there’s a thrill in discovering what makes us tick. And secondly, always remember the golden rule of Toyland – “Safety first, fun always!”

There’s a world of pleasure out there, waiting for the intrepid explorer to unlock its secrets. So whether you’re a newbie or a seasoned aficionado, keep that spirit of curiosity alive. And if you ever find yourself reminiscing about the good ol’ DIY days, remember, there’s always room for a chuckle, especially when you consider where you started versus where you are now.

Cheers to adventures of all sizes and kinds! Just remember, like our friend’s tale, it’s not always about the destination but the hilarious, blush-worthy, and sometimes slippery journey.Till the next tale of tantalizing trials and tribulations!

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